DELTA or bust?

I realize we’re in Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I just didn’t expect for a woman to bare her breasts 6” from my face on an airplane. This isn’t an April Fools gag; it’s October after all. I’m telling you the naked truth. The encounter happened on DELTA Flight #16 last Saturday.

One minute this thirty-something blonde was fully clothed. The next moment she stripped off her top revealing what Solomon poetically describes as “two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle” (7:3 NIV). These “fawns” were au naturel, as in “naked as a jaybird.”

A wardrobe malfunction? Nope. This was a deliberate full frontal exposure.

Not to quibble with the wisest man who ever lived, but Solomon was mistaken when he quipped, “There is nothing new under the sun.” After all, I’ve traveled more than 511,000 miles on DELTA and that has never happened to me before.

From My Favorite Liberal: The Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy Is on Your Screen

I never met New York magazine columnist Jonathan Chait. If I have the opportunity to meet him one day, I’ll be sure to buy him lunch. After all, finding an honest liberal commentator on pop culture these days is about as rare as sighting an albino crow.

In a recent piece, The Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy Is on Your Screen, Chait finally admits what conservatives used to argue, namely, that TV programming is a vast wasteland of liberal indoctrination.

Regarding Hollywood’s impact, he notes that “A trio of communications professors found that watching Will & Grace made audiences more receptive to gay rights.” Furthermore, “When Joe Biden endorsed gay marriage in May, he cited Will & Grace as the single-most important driving force in transforming public opinion on the subject.” Although I’d suggest Glee makes Will & Grace look like a couple of lightweights by comparison.

If conceding that a connection exists between extreme liberal values on TV screen and a values shift in the culture wasn’t brave enough, this self-proclaimed “liberal hawk” does something I can’t say I’ve ever witnessed any liberal journalist do—he invites his reader to empathize with conservatives:

“…think of it from the conservative point of view, if you don’t happen to be one. Imagine that large chunks of your entertainment mocked your values and even transformed once-uncontroversial beliefs of yours into a kind of bigotry that might be greeted with revulsion. You’d probably be angry, too.”

However, he rightly points out that conservatives have largely stopped publicly holding Hollywood accountable for the daily dose of excrement they shovel into our living rooms via TV. Which begs a question: Why do millions of people in fly-over country wear a muzzle when Follywood producers mock, trample upon, and vilify their core beliefs?

Chait confessions “The more uncomfortable reality is that the culture war is an ongoing liberal rout. Hollywood is as liberal as ever, and conservatives have simply despaired of changing it.” Some might argue that we shouldn’t impose our values on others. Ah, yes, but clearly Hollywood doesn’t have that issue, do they?

That said, it’s 20 years after the fact—but hats off to this brave soul for having the hutzpah to say we conservatives are right about Hollywood’s role in corrupting our culture. I wonder if he saw the light because he got married and had two children . . . funny how that works.

The Return of VIDEO VEGGIE

My first encounter with “Space Invaders” was at a pizza shop in 1978. Although lame by today’s HI DEF standards, that B&W video game had me dreaming of zapping aliens in my sleep. Who would have imagined Space Invaders would go on to spark an international craze of video games, with US sales pegged at $17 billion in 2011.

In a prophetic sort-of way, back in 1982 when I wrote the satirical tune “Video Veggie,” I envisioned a nation of “vidiots” glued to their screens. Turns out I was right on the money. But I digress.

Just for fun, I recorded “Video Veggie” at Morning Star Studios in Spring House, PA and pressed a thousand 45s. I mailed a copy to Dr. Demento who, demonstrating his good taste, placed it into his rotation. Within weeks it hit the coveted Dr. Demento Funny Five at #5, just behind Weird Al’s “My Bologna.”

The B-side of “Video Veggie” was another satirical tune I’d written back in college during the disco craze called, “Disco Twinky.” I mailed a copy of that novelty song to KZ106/Chattanooga who was participating in the Big America Music Contest. Low and behold, “Disco Twinky” made the album.

And while I still have a small box of 45s with these two classic underground hits somewhere in my garage gathering dust, precious few have or even know what a turntable is. As an act of grand benevolence on my part, I plan on posting “Video Veggie” for the world to enjoy in perpetuity—just as soon as I figure out how to add audio to this blog. [;o)

Meanwhile, you can hear the song in YouTube Land by clicking here . . . and don’t forget to let me know what you think.

Before There Was Slime

“You ain’t heard nothing yet.” The year, 1927. The film, The Jazz Singer. And, with those words, singer/actor Al Johnson ushered in the era of the “talkies”—talking motion pictures. His statement has proven to be prophetic.

It’s hard to believe what we’re hearing—and seeing—in popular films and on television today. Someone once said, “It took 50 years for films to go from silent to unspeakable.” I couldn’t agree more.

Just how far has Hollywood—and, in turn, we consumers—drifted from their original standards of decency?

Introduced in 1930, the Motion Picture Producers and Distributors of America defined basic standards of “good taste” and a list of do’s and don’t’s that previously governed the production of all films released by Hollywood.

By July 1, 1934, strict adherence to the code’s provisions were enforced. Few producers wanted to risk the wrath of the MPPDA and forfeit the Production Code Seal of approval—a sure bet your movie would never be shown on television, too.

One of the overriding principles of the original production code stated:

“No picture shall be produced which will lower the standards of those who see it. Hence the sympathy of the audience should never be thrown to the side of crime, wrongdoing, evil or sin.”

Yes, the original code used the “S”-word. Or how about this doozy:

“Excessive and lustful kissing, lustful embracing, suggestive postures and gestures, are not to be shown.”

I bet the following 10 additional provisions in the code would send our modern crop of “Follywood” producers into cardiac arrest:

How To Screw Up Your Kids

Screwing up your kids has never been easier, more affordable—or more fun.

While few adults would admit they actually desire to screw up their kids, their actions speak louder than words. In reality, the overwhelming majority of blitzed American parents have abdicated their role as the primary shapers of their kids morality, virtue, and work ethic.

While this may seem problematic, thankfully an army of teachers—as well as the media elite, cultural icons, and complete strangers—are filling the void, serving as surrogate parents so you can chill out and do your own thing.

Most adults, whether they mean to or not, make choices which screw up their kids. If that’s you, don’t feel like a slug—you’re actually in good company. Indeed, you are in the growing majority of negligent adults. I say it’s time for the guilt trip to stop.

You have every right to medicate, placate, and arbitrate the peace in your home while assuaging the guilt you may feel for missing their birthdays, their school plays, their sports—or their entire childhood—in order to pursue the things that you really want.

Tee Vee for Tots

This Christmas give the gift that keeps on giving: a bedside TV for your kindergartener.

For $99 bucks, your little prince or princess never has to leave the coziness of their bedroom. Thanks to advances in technology, six-year-olds can completely disengaged from the family. No more noise arguing over Legos, dolls, blocks, crayons or Hot Wheels.

With the popular line of Disney Princess and Batman 13″ color televisions—with matching “kid friendly” remote controls—kids can be king and queen of their own viewing.

I’m serious here. Why risk their well-being exploring the dangerous outdoors? Between crime, global warming, and neighborhood bullies, it’s much better to have the kiddies watching the beatings and blood from the safety of their bedside.

Forget the reports documenting the link between childhood obesity and inactivity. What do those researchers at the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) know about health, anyway? Who are they to claim in a study that 2 million pre-teens and teens in the U.S. are suffering from a pre-diabetic condition due to their inactivity and obesity? Enough of the guilt trip already. This is America.

We’re talking about your child’s happiness here. Some models permit access to more than 180 channels. And, with the ever-popular sleep timer, the kiddos can awaken to the sights and sounds of the tube instead of the voices of their parents—how boring is that? Give ’em Sponge Bob and Barney over dad and mom anyday.

I say, buy two and save . . . batteries and common sense not included.

All The News that Fits

When we watch the evening news, read a blog or newspaper, or listen to radio news, we voluntarily give the control of our senses over to the producer of what we’re reading or watching. In other words, we can learn only what he or she wants us to know. His or her ideals, values, priorities—yes, their world-life view dominates the story.

Why is this important?

Because the value system of the reporter or newscaster determines the slant—or bias—that a story will ultimately reflect. This process is especially dangerous when the slant masquerades behind the pretense of “news.”

For example, if a journalist personally agrees with the notion of global warming, he’ll be inclined to produce a “news” story which leads the viewer to share in that perspective.

There’s virtually no way to be neutral on such a hot topic, even for a journalist. Either you believe Al Gore’s theory of global warming is a scientific fraud, or you agree with him that cow flatulence is contributing to the thinning of the ozone layer and should be taxed.

Of course, if you believe farmers should be taxed for cow farts, then you better be willing to tax White Castle for their gas-producing burgers. If not discerning, it’s possible to start believing some pretty wild stuff.

MAKING BRAIN WAVES

Darn those people at the Kaiser Family Foundation.

Once again, they’ve released a study sure to heap gobs of guilt on harried parents. Why should we care that 80% of toddlers in America watch two hours of television a day?

If 8 out of 10 parents are too busy to give a rip about the long-term negative behavioral consequences that their toddlers will experience in front of the tube, so what? It’s still a free country.

If a parent wants a mentally-stunted kid, isn’t that their choice?

Why I Don’t Watch TV: Reason #437

Here’s a fun fact you probably didn’t know about TV.

While we American vidiots were glued to our big screens and immersed in our surround sound, the first television set didn’t arrive in the Fiji Islands until 1995. Prior to the arrival of TV in that otherwise unspoiled tropical paradise, the Fijians had a rather curious cultural belief; they believed that to be fat was fabulous.

The bigger the body, the better. Large was in charge.

Natives living in Fiji considered it a compliment to say, “Looks like you’ve put on some weight—you look great!” Ever-hungry for the robust bod, the Fijians created various herbal potions which stimulated their hunger in order to supersize their bods—sort of like Viagra for the appetite. Unlike our infomercial-based obsession with getting the ultimate “abs of steel,” they sought “flabs of steel.”

But that all changed.

Our Killer Culture

It was a rude awakening for the quiet little town of Carl Junction, Missouri—a community with just over 5,000 residents. In the nearby woods, three teenagers murdered a friend—partly out of curiosity—with baseball bats.

Each of the boys had a particular interest in black metal music—music with lyrics that tell of torture and destruction. According to newspaper accounts, Jim Hardy, Ron Clements and Pete Roland matter-of-factly stated that they wondered what it would feel like to kill someone.

The victim, Steven Newberry, while being fatally clubbed to death, repeatedly asked his schoolmates, “Why me, you guys?” His friends replied, “Because it’s fun, Steve.”

You might want to read that again.

About the same time, a twelve-year-old boy was convicted of raping his five-year-old stepsister. “He said he got the idea while watching TV at his aunt’s house,” explains Police Lt. Thomas Hull of San Leandro, California.

Flipping through the channels, this adolescent stumbled on a program that showed an intimate lovemaking scene. “We don’t know what the program was, whether it was an adult channel or a so-called soap opera,” reported Lt. Hull.

After the rape, when asked why he did it, the youngster told police “It looked like fun.”

Did you notice the common thread weaving these unrelated events together? Children in a quest for fun . . . they just wanted a good time. Nothing more. No big deal.